I always joked about how I’d never fall in love. But then unexpected things happened. (Part 2)

Recently, I parted ways with a guy I dated in college. I have nothing but good memories for my first dating experience. Although our time together was brief, there were some moments when it felt like an eternity because I tried my best to live in those moments. (End of mushy feelings. Haha.)

(For privacy reasons, some details such as my date’s name have been omitted.)

(Disclaimer: This is a really long post.)

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IV. The First Date

(Preceding Events)

I honestly thought that I’d be the one to make plans for the first date. I was looking through my bucket list of places to visit in DC when I received a text message from him asking me when I’m free to go to DC. “… Did you read my mind?”, I texted. I was so pleased to hear him ask me out for the first date because it’s hard for him – as an immigrant who just moved to Maryland a month ago – to make hangout plans.

At the train station, he unashamedly admitted that he doesn’t make travel plans. (That should’ve been a red flag for me when it comes to dating, but I was too foolish to think much of it.) For me, when it comes to traveling or hangouts, I do some sort of planning beforehand – I research some places to go to, and bookmark them in Google Maps. (I’ll write more about how I compile my places to go to bucket list in a future blog post.)

In the train, I learned more about his background and interests. And oh my goodness, he likes physics. I don’t really understand physics, but I also love the discipline. We had teachers who introduced us to physics, and made us fall in love with it. I learned about it during my freshman year of college. He… learned about it through his parents who teach physics.

It was nice to discover common interests between me and him, but I also enjoyed our differences as equally. There were a lot of personal and cultural differences, such as our relationship with our family. The way he described his relationship with his family seemed like the complete opposite of my relationship with my Filipino family. Basically, I told him that I have family members who live in nuclear households, spend a lot of time together, and cook for each other. And above all, my family (and Filipinos in general) are happy, positive, empathetic, helpful, and loving people. His difficult upbringing wasn’t bothersome to me. What mattered more is how he treats me and other people.

(In DC)

It didn’t take long for me to see him exhibit mindfulness and concern for me. Yes, I’ve seen those things even before our first date. But it was during our date that I finally get to see more selfless actions from him – walk ahead of me, walk on the side of the sidewalk that’s closest to the street, look out for on-coming cars, give me tissues, fix my hair, help me put on my coat, share food with me, open the doors for me, …

I appreciated those gentlemanly things, but at the same time I had to make sure I was always paying attention to changes in his words and behaviors. The beginning of our dating experience may be rosy, but things could change for better or worse down the line.

At a sandwich shop, I shared my experience studying in California before transferring to the Maryland college we were currently attending. In California, there were Mexican workers who’d always call me “chika” every time I walked by them. ” ‘Chika’ means ‘chick’ “, I told my date. And being the jokester he was, he said “So they called you ‘mamacita’, ‘senorita’?” He was also being sly, by the way, with the way he just subtlety complimented on my appearance.

(At the Museum)

The first attraction we went to was the Native American Smithsonian Museum. The reason why he wanted to go there so badly is because of his passion for lacrosse.

Looking through the modern and historical Native American items for the first time made me fall in love with the culture. One interest from Native American culture that came into my mind was traditional hunting. I know there are hunters out there who practiced traditional hunting. I really thought about what it would be like to find hunters like that in Maryland, and learn techniques from them.

After we walked through the exhibit, we sat down and talked about what it’s like to work on a filming set. (If I remember correctly, I saw one of my filming locations from the window where we sat. That’s probably why we talked about filming.) Last summer, I was background acting at the National Museum of African American History and Culture for a show on Apple TV+, and at various locations for a show on HBO. Although I wasn’t a main or supporting actor for those projects, there were scenes where I was definitely in front of the camera. I didn’t really think much about being in front of the camera at the time, but when I looked back at those experiences while talking to him, I felt glad about having some of my most memorable moments on camera. It’s already fun to say and do stupid things with other background actors on-set, but no one is allowed to use their phones. So whenever I get involved in a filming project, I try my best to treasure the memories I made there.

After I finished sharing my background acting experiences, I was astonished to find out that he was no stranger to a filming set. He wasn’t a background actor; he was featured in a K-pop lacrosse music video. …A K-pop lacrosse music video. Really? Is lacrosse a popular sport in Korea? OR, did the music video increase the sport’s visibility to Koreans and K-pop fans? That music video must be the most viewed lacrosse video in the world. Woah. Ahahaha. To be frank, I don’t really know much about K-pop. (Will write more about that in another post.) So when I watched the music video with him, I had no clue who the singers were. Unlike me, he was most likely invited to participate in the project because of his background in lacrosse.

On our way out of the museum, there was a small wall display of random Native American items. To much of our disappointment, there was only one lacrosse stick, a small description of the sport’s history, and a small illustration of Native Americans playing the sport. I’ve never seen a lacrosse game before. I have no clue if lacrosse games are even broadcasted on a sports channel. I believe it was at that moment that lacrosse gained a new fan. (No, it’s not because I had a crush on that guy; it’s because I was starting to appreciate Native American culture more after going through the museum.)

Seeing the lacrosse game got me thinking about how he found the sport (or how the sport found him). I kinda regret not asking him. If I had to guess why he picked up the sport… I think part of it had to do with his body image.

The oral story of lacrosse is about how the animals that were playing the sport were divided into two teams – land and sky animals, I think. (I’m just trying to remember the story off of the top of my head. I might get some things wrong.) The bat was created so that the mouse and squirrel (small animals) could participate in the game along with the big animals. The bat performed so well despite his small size. I think the lesson of the story is that lacrosse is a game for anyone.

No joke, when I first saw him, I could tell that he was a heavily-built person. I also imagined what he would look like with different body types. I personally think he’s handsome enough to rock any body type. After I called him handsome for the first time, he told me about how he grew up being called ‘ugly’. Maybe he used to be really thin, and/or he felt insecure whenever people judged him based on the Korean male beauty standard. That’s my guess.

I didn’t realize that the oral story of lacrosse makes the sport so attractive to anyone until I met him and went to the Native American Smithsonian Museum. (And you can definitely tell that I thought a lot about lacrosse from this post and my previous post.) If the oral story is so great, then why isn’t the sport that popular? I think it largely has to do with how invisible and underrepresented Native Americans are.

Kudos to my date for making me want to glorify the sport now.

I don’t know much about my date, but he’s pretty cool. Another guess that I have is… he’s aiming to be the first Korean lacrosse player to go pro in the US. I don’t really know if moving to Maryland was a gamble or a calculated risk. But the truth of the matter is that he’s taking the chance. And he radiates so much passion for the sport. I hope everything works in his favor.

(At the Wharf)

Because I did some research beforehand, I suggested that we walk to the Wharf from the museum. The Wharf is a strip of cafes, restaurants, shops, and a seafood market by the Potomac River. Walking by the pier was the best part of our first date because of how lively yet relaxing the pier was.

We ate at one of the restaurants at the Wharf – Kaliwa. (Yes, I researched that beforehand, too.) The restaurant offers Thai, Korean, and Filipino food. (Need I say why I chose this restaurant? …I’m Filipino, and he’s Korean.)

The conversation we had was about his military service. Instead of talking about the stressful and scary aspects of being in the South Korean military, he shared a lot of fun and funny things he experienced. He was the “coffee boy” for the higher-ups; because of how strong he is, he’d carry a lot of coffee (and ice during the summertime). He saw a lot of glowing planktons while riding a boat at night. He hunted and cooked a rabbit.

The food… oh yeah, the food… We recommended pork dishes for each other. He had sisig while I had jae yuk gui. And guess what? This was his time eating Filipino food, and my first time eating Korean food. He thought the sisig was okay, and wanted something spicy. So I let him scoop some gochujang sauce from my bowl to add it to the sisig. Bwahahaha. I love spicy food, too. But I didn’t expect to fall in love with the unique spicy flavor of Korean food. The gochujang sauce wasn’t just spicy; there was something to it. Like, if gochujang sauce was replaced with Sriracha or Texas Pete, then the jae yuk gui would have a bland spicy taste. It would have been meh.

I’ve never tried Korean food before because I’m used to eating food cooked by my family and family friends. (Proud to be Filipino!) We usually cook Filipino, Chinese, Italian, French, American,… And because of my Filipino background, I not only love to cook for myself, but for others as well.

That’s why Korean food has always been foreign to me. Yes, I’ve heard about how some Korean dishes are known for their spiciness. But hearing about it is definitely different from tasting it. Up until this point, I haven’t tasted another Korean dish yet. There are some Korean restaurants in Ellicott City, Maryland and I’ve never eaten in any of them before.

I could eat in those restaurants, or… I could learn how to cook Korean food! Yes, I seriously thought about cooking Korean food ever since I ate jae yuk gui… and I’m definitely gonna do it! (Sheesh, I’m gonna feel like an ajumma once I learn how to cook Korean food.)

(Time jump after visiting the Holocaust Museum, Washington Monument, and the Lincoln Memorial)

(Back at the train)

Sorry I decided to skip some details. I could go on about some other things that happened during our first date, but this blog post is getting really long now.

Anyways, during our train ride back home, I thought about personality and compatibility. At the time, I believed that this guy would be a great partner for me. He wasn’t just someone that I was beginning to like; he seemed like a good pal, too.

There were some things that I was concerned about, but they didn’t seem like big issues for me. One, I kinda know that gender-roles are a huge thing in Korean society. Women there are usually expected to act and look feminine, be submissive, and put themselves in a lower position than men. Another thing that I was concerned about is the culture shock my date was experiencing. I couldn’t tell if he was an open-minded person. He showed me how much he enjoys learning about different cultures and traveling, but I don’t think that necessarily implies that he’s open to being in a serious relationship with someone of a different culture.

I enjoyed our first date. I don’t know if I’ll ever date another man again. But if I do, then I’d try to better balance my open-mindedness and cautiousness during the initial stage. I wasn’t really “cautious” throughout my first dating experience, and that’s why I ended up feeling sad after we parted ways. There are some signs that I can lookout for, and signs that I’ll definitely overlook. But now that my first dating experience happened, I have a better idea of what characteristics to lookout for if I ever date another man again.