Re: “Nice Guys”

Nice guys finish last

That’s why I’ll treat you like trash

It’s not what I really wanna do

But you only date bad guys

So I’ll give you my best try

To treat you the way you want me to

 


 

Are girls attracted to bad guys or nice guys?

What defines a bad guy and a nice guy?

In this post, I share my research findings and thoughts.

 

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Synopsis of the music video

Two guys attend a workshop series on “How To Hit On Girls” in an effort to flirt with a girl who they believe is only attracted to bad guys. As the instructor teaches the attendards how to dress, act, and talk to girls, the two guys take on a bad guy persona despite how “it’s not what [they] really wanna do”. After unexpectedly seeing their crush shocked, appalled, and dismayed at them, the two guys drop out of the workshop series while the other attendants soon follow them. The two guys then revert back to their nice guy identity, and win back the heart of their crush through honesty and niceness.

 


 

Research findings

The material that I research includes girls’ and guys’ thoughts on each other; advice on how girls and guys can attract each other; and the definitions of bad guy and nice guy.

On flirting advice for guys

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10 things guys love about girls… (Seventeen Magazine)

  • lovely aroma;
  • cute laughter;
  • the taste of girls’ lips;
  • girls’ liking for small things;
  • pink cheeks;
  • trustworthiness (especially with keeping secrets);
  • honesty (especially with emotions);
  • girls’ obsession with their phone; and
  • energetic and adventurous movements (especially dancing)

How to Get a Girl to Like You (Love Panky)

  • Improve yourself.
  • Have a great personality.
  • Be the alpha male (someone who is outspoken, outgoing, and in charge).
  • Respect yourself.
  • Have control over your emotions, decisions, and actions.
  • Be a great conversationalist.

 

On flirting advice for girls

sandy_after.jpg

What Women Really Think of Men With Tattoos (Fox News Magazine)

Women think tattoos are cool when:

  • the tattoos are on a great body
  • they’re either multitudinous or minimal
  • they’re tasteful, artful, and thoughtful

Women think tattoos are uncool when:

  • they’re offensive, corny, common, and unthoughtful

Women think no tattoos are cool when:

  • everyone else has them; and
  • guys don’t care what they look like

Other thoughts from women:

  • beauty is in the eye of the beholder

How to Get a Guy to Like You (Cosmopolitan)

  • Primp yourself to look, feel, and smell sexy (especially wear skin-revealing clothing).
  • Have interesting conversations (especially talk about each other’s interests, passions, and opinions).
  • When talking to your crush, have direct eye contact with him. Also, tilt your face downward while pushing your chin slightly forward in order to make your features seem softer and more feminine while making your eyes stand out more.
  • When walking with your crush, arch your back, press your arms to your side, and take long strides to make it look like you’re strutting and have an elongated body.
  • Play hard to get, but not too hard.
  • Subtlely have skin-to-skin contact with your crush.
  • Converse with your crush’s guy friends.
  • Speak confidently.
  • Be busy sometimes.
  • Compliment your crush on something other than his looks.
  • Encourage your crush to try something daring.

 

On the definitions of “bad guys”

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Wikipedia

  • A villain (also known as the “antagonist”, “baddie”, “bad guy”, “heavy”, or “black hat”) is an “evil” character in a story, whether a historical narrative or, especially, a work of fiction.
  • The villain usually is the antagonist (though can be the protagonist), the character who tends to have a negative effect on other characters.

Urban Dictionary

A bad guy is a person who does evil things to others.

 

On the definitions of “nice guys”

nicedud.jpg

Wikipedia

  • A nice guy is an informal term for an (often young) adult male who portrays himself as gently, compassionate, sensitive and/or vulnerable.
  • The term is used both positively and negatively.
  • When used positively, and particularly when used as a preference or description by someone else, it is intended to imply a male who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, tries to stay out of trouble, and generally acts nicely towards others.
  • In the context of a relationship, it may refer to traits of honestly, loyalty, romanticism, courtesy, and respect.
  • When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive, does not express his true feeling, and, in the context of dating (in which the term is often used), uses acts of ostensible friendship with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship.

Urban Dictionary

  • A young male who will give up countless hours of his time listening to the problems of his very attractive female friends because they need someone to talk to about their apathetic, Baywatch jock of a boyfriend because no one else will listen or genuinely care.
  • Although always surrounded by beautiful girls, the nice guy can’t get a girlfriend or even facilitate the alleviation of certain “drives” because his “ordinary” physical appearance will forever be compared vulnerable girl, objectify or cheat on a girl.
  • He will go out of his way and bend over backwards to help his “friends” and will never ask for anything in return.
  • No matter how intelligent, understanding, humorous, compassionate, trusting, or loyal the nice guy is, the female cohort will always pass him up and endure any length of abuse, objectification, apathy, and cold-heartedness from a man if he has physical attractiveness, fashion, big muscles, and chiseled facial features.
  • The nice guy will eventually realize that his dependability and empathy will never be appreciated and all his friendships with females are all one-sided. This coupled with years of watching girls go for tanned, muscular jerk-offs with nice cars while he desperately hopes someone will realize how viable he actually is will spawn and incubate the nice guy’s insecurities and he will eventually abandon his views, dumb-down his speech, take-up weight-lifting, and switch majors from cancer research with a minor in theoretical physics to playground management so he can devote his time to emulating Baywatch characters and football players so that he will one day be viewed as more than a “nice guy”.
  • The nice guy will eventually work up the courage to ask out his attractive female friend, but will invariably be turned down because she’s so self-centered that she’d never actually had a smidgeon of compassion for the nice guy’s feelings or even realize that he’s interested in girls.
  • After rejecting the nice guy, the girl will downplay the supposed friendship to the point where they never speak again, which in turn will make the nice guy depressed.
  • Ironically, he won’t have anyone to talk to because he’s devoted so much time and energy, and has become so warped from being exposed to these kinds of people that he will either live the rest of his life alone in a tiny apartment, jerking off to old “Saved By the Bell” episodes, or get drunk one night and impregnate a 300-pound, cross-eyed derelict who works at Wendy’s and spend the rest of his life being treated like shit.
  • The whole “nice guy” phemenon really supports the idea that people primarily care about physical appearances and that shrewdness, selfishness, and narcissism will always triumph over compassion, rapport, and inner beauty.

 


My thoughts

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I was not too surprised by my reaction to the music video and my research findings since I already believed that:

  • society defines unrealistic standards of beauty;
  • pop culture writers promote their own ideology; and
  • people either accept their perspective of the world, other people’s perspectives of the world, or both

When I first saw the music video in 2011, I instantly fell in love with it. There are so many compelling characteristics about the video that make it praiseworthy.

I absolutely agree with these messages the video echoes:

  • Being yourself is more attractive than pretending to be another character.
  • Listen to your heart, and follow your moral compass.
  • You do not have to be trendy in order to make yourself stand out.
  • You cannot find true happiness if you live your life trying to please other people.
  • We tend to forget that happiness does not come as a result of getting something we do not have, but rather from recognizing and appreciating what we have.
  • There’s no one formula to attract your crush.
  • Be true to yourself.

I wish these messages were promoted more in pop culture magazines and the media.

The most surprising detail I found in my research is the negative connotation of “nice guy”. Although I am part of Generation Z – the generation that grew up with and usually use the internet, I was surprised to learn that the term “nice guy” often implies a “bad guy” in diguise when said in the context of dating.

I am curious to know how people can spot genuine and fake niceness. After I read research articles that answer my questions, I will definitely share my findings in another post.


Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on anything mentioned in this post. I love to learn about other people’s perspectives.

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